They Call Me Jane

The clock struck 12:30 in the morning when a girl in plain tee and faded blue jeans, carrying a backpack arrived home.

     

     They call her Jane.

     She put down her bag and untied her ragged chucks. Tired from school, the girl laid down her bed. Like every day that she’s doing after her long day, she started to unwind; looking back on what happened in the day. She likes reflecting and reminiscing, as she is always haunted by funny and happy unforgettable moments that are making her burst into laughter; or the sad remarkable ones that make her sometimes weep.

     The urge, here she goes again. She’s now having this urge to write down her thoughts.

     She started writing. 

     Friday, Nov. 19, 2010.

     “Our class was dismissed early today. It was just almost noon and the fast-turning heat wave was like telling me not to take my usual one-hour transport and go home already. So I stayed and spent my time with my friend. Far from what we used to do, jamming with our peeps, talking nonsense and cracking jokes, and laughing out loud as if there’s no tomorrow, which is super fun, though; we went to the riverside park where it is beyond the noise of the school. We just sat there while listening to music, sharing the same earphone, and talked a lot in the depth of ourselves.

Deep conversations... and I’d always love that. I don’t know, but I feel really happy whenever we have this kind of talk, expressing one's self. It seems like I am feeling a sort of real happiness-- a happiness that’s not temporary, a happiness that I’ll be able to carry wherever I am. But that doesn't overpower the joy that comes from the love of God. I love people who are always willing to waste their time and share even a bit of their selves; because for me, that really counts for me to love them easily. Because knowing the person comes trust, and trust is a part of love.

     Oh my! Am I really totally grown-up?” 

     If someone would ask me, "If you could turn back time, is there one thing you wish that’s given to you?" – If I could do so! But, I don’t think it’s not given, rather, I wish I experienced. I want to know what it feels to have the real love of my biological father, and my mother as well (even if she's just there). Well, that’s the bitter part of my life. I was left—but not alone. God still showered me with love through Jesus, my family and friends, and that makes me complete. After all, we have only One Father, who is in heaven. :)

     What are the things that you love to do and you want to do? — Oh, thanks for the lighter one! Hmm.. I love spending quality time with God and Godly people.ü I love listening to Christian music for the purpose of worshiping Him. I love to sing and play the guitar and I'm looking forward to be part of the music ministry and use the talent that God gave me as a way to bring back the glory to Him. I want to be a great cell leader and the best leader that I can be, like an eagle, soaring high and knows how to lead himself, by just depending purely on God. I know I can be. And at this point, I’m starting to love writing.

    What do you think is your biggest downfall in life?—It happened on my first year of college. Which path I should take? I was so undecided. I had selected a course where I can’t even see some of myself in the future. Computer Engineering. Stupidity. I hate Math. All my life, I haven’t been given a failing grade until I received my grade in College Algebra, a grade of 5! Facing the desktop, from the moment I saw that grade; tears came rushing down my face.”I am a failure! Haha!”—the line that kept repeating on my mind. But failures don't define who we are, just be challenged and be better next time. Always go to the next level! By then, I decided to shift in another course.it was quite hard for me leaving my engineering family. But it’s harder to stay in something that you don’t really love. So, this is it. I hope so. I super thank the very kind-hearted chairperson of Journalism for accepting me despite of my trash grades. It was so shameful. But being a positive person, I’m taking it as a challenge to stand up again and improve myself. After all, it’s not hard to love my second course for I already love the people around me.

Dead air.

The girl was now so much heavy-eyed. In a moment, she will be falling into sleep. It’s already one in the morning and she should have been taking her rest earlier than this. Oh, it’s her Lolo’s birthday today.

My Lolo. The one who stood as my father. I’m excited to greet him. But I’ll be taking my trip to dreamland first. It’s already one in the morning and I should have been taking my beauty rest earlier than this. 

They call me Jane. :)